For Biden and beyond, survivors should lead the conversation

May 13, 2020

As attorneys and advocates working to end sexual harm, we are extremely frustrated by the majority of responses to Tara Reade’s allegations of sexual assault against Joe Biden. From our experience working with survivors, we know that many who’ve been victimized are carefully observing how the world is reacting to Tara’s account. We’re seeing her suffering being used as a tool by people with political agendas that are not centered in the non-partisan goal of figuring out how we can all, as a society, better deter and respond to sexual harm. Yet, in this moment, we see positive opportunities to continue conversations that have been avoided for too long.

Rather than get caught up in debates over who deserves the benefit of doubt or trust, or the criminal justice system’s responsibility to presume innocence, we encourage people to think about what genuine accountability for sexual harm might look like. We invite you to especially consider situations where it has been—or may have been—committed by people that are otherwise worthy of respect or reverence.

Survivors know that the majority of men who engage in sexual harm are decidedly more, and better than, their worst acts. Often they are men who the victim themself trusted and even admired before they sexually violated them. They are men who don’t seem like monsters. They are men who do good, and even great things, both before and after inflicting harm. These disconcerting truths keep victims silent and they weaken our capacity to hold otherwise good men accountable.

We must recognize that Joe Biden will not be the last government official or campaigning candidate to be accused of sexual misconduct. If elected, he will not be the first President to have been credibly accused of sexual misconduct. But he could be the first to inspire, and possibly take part in, the kinds of difficult but valuable conversations that ALL of us should be having about sexual harm. 

In the aftermath of sexual assault, very few survivors hope for the destruction of the life—or even the livelihood—of the person who harmed them. Most want something much more modest: an apology, a reckoning, a commitment to doing better. Most want to have their pain acknowledged, and they want to avoid having the damage done to them multiplied by the insult of being called a liar.

We have seen no evidence that Tara Reade’s account falls into the small category of accusations that merit being labeled false. We think they deserve attention and respect—as does she, and as does Joe Biden. But once you’ve thought about, or talked about, who you believe, please don’t stop thinking or talking. Please think about what real accountability could look like in the aftermath of sexual harm. Please understand that many men like Joe—feminists, effective activists against gender violence, smart, capable men—are also men who have sexually violated people. 

The solution to sexual harm is not to root out every person who’s ever done it so they can be tossed out of the community for good. Rather, we stand with survivors in seeking individual accountability, looking for ways to deter otherwise good people from doing things they’d be ashamed to admit, and helping people understand what survivors teach us every day: sexual violation is unacceptable, but it is not inevitable. It can be remedied, especially if we stop pretending that it is only inflicted by monsters.

This piece was authored by Hayley Forrestal, with input from Kaethe Morris Hoffer. Learn more about our staff here.