The holiday season is here and there is so much packed into these last few weeks of the year. With lots of events, gatherings, and holidays happening, it’s easy to feel overwhelmed. The holiday season can be a challenging time for survivors, in particular. Many people feel overwhelmed and exhausted when it comes to a packed schedule, traveling, and regular routines being interrupted. Survivors often have to navigate a number of other challenges, such as returning to places associated with sexual harm for them or seeing family who might be tied to their own trauma. About 80 percent of survivors knew the person who harmed them. It’s a lot to juggle, especially when it can feel like everyone else seems to be enjoying themselves. Having a plan in place and being mindful of boundaries and self-care can be a big help as we navigate this time of year.

Creating healthy boundaries 

For many people, holidays create situations in which your boundaries are tested! Boundaries are limits that you create in relationships with other people. They help to create clear guidelines about how you’d like to be treated, and what you do and don’t allow for in your relationships. They will look different for different people and relationships. 

It can be beneficial for many people to create boundaries in close relationships with family members and friends. Those boundaries could involve limits around:

• time and commitments (such as “I won’t be able to attend your Thanksgiving this year, but I will be back to visit you next month the week of Christmas.” or “We can join you for Hannukah next week, but remember that means I’m going to my in-laws next year.”) 

• topics of conversation (such as “You know I’m not okay with talking about my body and appearance, why don’t we talk about something else?”, or “I respect your opinion about that even though I disagree, so let’s talk about something else.”) 

• physical touch (such as “I don’t make my family do hugs, but you can ask if they would like a high-five instead.”) 

• social media and posting (such as “Please don’t post photos of my kid’s faces on your social media. I am OK with you taking them, please just keep them private and offline.”)  

Boundaries are healthy! Remember they are there between yourself and the other person so that the relationship can be comfortable. They are in place because you want to have the relationship and prioritize your own well-being, not as a punishment to the other person. If people push back or take issue with them, try your best to stand firm. It takes practice and gets easier with more time and experience. Start with making sure you communicate your boundaries in a respectful way. Find more tips on creating healthy boundaries here. Check out this list from Chicago-based therapist Amy Braun for examples of what it might sound like to enforce boundaries. 

Finding time for self-care 

Boundaries are just one of many forms of self-care. Self-care often gets over-simplified as a spa day, but it’s much broader than that. Caring for yourself can be physical, emotional, social, mental, and spiritual. During the holidays when our regular self-care routines can be interrupted, it’s crucial to make time and space for self-care where we can. When your schedule is busier and more hectic than usual, stress levels may rise, and self-care routines are often the first thing to go to make room for other commitments. But it’s during these times that self-care is even more important. 

Here are some things to keep in mind as you navigate self-care during the holiday season (or any busy season of your life): 

• Put self-care in your calendar or set a reminder for a specific time. Instead of trying to squeeze it in when you can, schedule it so that it doesn’t get away from you. Sometimes that might be just 10 minutes, but we’ve got to recharge where and when we can. A quick walk, a few minutes to do yoga or stretch, or time to spend reading or meditating or journaling can help us feel calmer and more grounded. 

• Remember it’s OK to decline invitations to events. That might be the most needed form of self-care some days. Resting and recharging are crucial to your well-being. We can’t run on empty. 

• Self-care doesn’t have to be a solo activity. Invite a friend to go get a coffee or tea. Find a cozy place to read or journal with a partner. Calling a friend can boost your serotonin and make you feel ready to take on the rest of your day too. 

Check in with those you can rely on 

Who you surround yourself with is also one of the most impactful ways to care for yourself. For some people, being with family is welcoming and joyful. If that’s not your situation, that’s OK too. For many people, including survivors, chosen family are the people who make you feel most comfortable and happy. Make sure you know who you can lean on during bad days or hard times.  

Survivors might also find it helpful to have a check-in plan in place if you do have to be around people tied to your trauma. If you can’t physically be together with those people who show up for you, schedule a phone call or FaceTime to catch up and connect. Knowing you have someone to talk to through the stress will hopefully bring you some comfort. If it’s an option, the holidays might be a good opportunity to start new traditions with new people if your family is not who you enjoy or feel safe spending time with. 

Remember that if the holidays are a stressful season for you, you are not alone. If the holiday and end-of-year chaos get the best of you, try your best to give other people and yourself grace. Remember that we are all going through things others might not be aware of. Survivors are often navigating that. Above all, know that you are allowed to protect your peace in whatever ways you need to. Prioritizing self-care and boundaries are impactful ways to do just that. 

CAASE published this piece on December 9, 2024. It was authored by Lizzy Springer and edited by Madeleine Behr. Learn more about our staff here.